My heart hurts today. Have you ever known someone who you grew to dearly love and then you know you are soon going to lose them? That is how I feel about a dear sweet friend of mine-Darlene. Darlene is my neighbor. She and her sweet husband live right behind me. We have shared many special visits over the garden fence and over the last 21 years, I have grown to love them both very, very much. They are such a special couple who really seemed to enjoy being together. They have been married around 55 years.
Darlene is my mother's age, ~81, and like my mom, Darlene was diagnosed with Alzheimers a few years ago. Darlene was so supportive when I spoke with her about my mother's illness and then a few years later, Darlene and Melvin became aware that she too had this affliction. At first there were small signs. She would forget little things or she would have trouble completing a thought, finding the right word, or completing a sentence. She and her husband worked together out in their yard-and they had the best yard in the neighborhood, tenderly tending their flowers. Darlene would see me and call out my name in a sing-song little way. She always gave me a hug and a kiss and told me how much she loved me.
This sweet lady had a special affection for cardinals-"red birds" as she called them. Everytime I see one, I can't help but think of her. I loved looking out my kitchen window and seeing her walking near the fence line with her crowning head of glory-her hair was snowy white and glorious. (Melvin always made certain she went to the hairdressers once a week and also had her nails done. He really loved this woman and you could tell because he always took such good care of her). She would call my name and I would go out to the fence to get my hug and kiss and visit with this sweet woman.
On football saturdays, she would be dressed in her Husker shirt, wearing her cornhusker earrings and bracelet. She looked elegant in the simplest of accessories. Darlene was grace personified. She would be all excited at the prospect of another football victory for her favorite team.
When I came home from work and see the light in their kitchen window, I would always wave to it. Melvin said that many times, Darlene would stand at the kitchen window and watch for me. If she saw me out in the yard, she would go outside to find me-singing my name. There were even a few times she would wander the neighborhood looking for me. Melvin would have to go out and bring her home.
We shared many days and evenings filled with laughter, tomatoes, tuberoses and lavender. We watched the birds together and listened to stories about one another's families. During the winter, I would get a call from Melvin and I would walk over to their home and spend an afternoon filled with laughter and homemade cookies and coffee. Those were some wonderful visits that I will always cherish.
Slowly Darlene started to have difficulties. Melvin was doing all of the cooking then because Darlene no longer remembered how. She started not remembering how to write or read or watch television. But Melvin never complained. He was her helpmate and companion, and he seemed to enjoy doing things to help her. She was still able to talk on the phone or listen to her favorite gospel hymns. When she would hug me, she would say "I-I-I-I-l-l-l-l-l-ooooovvvvvvee-yyyyyooooooooouuuuu, hhhonnnnneeeyyyy". It was getting hard for her, but she would work so hard to convey her feelings.
One day last summer, I noticed Melvin out in the yard and Darlene was sitting in a chair, facing the house. She had her head down. She did not seem to be aware of what was going on around her. The next time I saw her, Melvin walked with her to the fence and we picked the cherry tomatoes that he had planted. Darlene was smiling and she looked beautiful. She struggled to speak, but she seemed so happy to be there. Again she hugged me and kissed me and told me she loved me. My heart felt a sudden sting. I knew she was really slipping. Melvin gently led her back into the house.
The next few days, the house behind me was dark. There was no light coming from the kitchen window. I felt that something was terribly wrong. Then when I saw Melvin again, he told me he had to put her into a nursing facility. The constant caregiving was overwhelming. Melvin was losing weight and not able to take care of himself. Her needs were much more than he could fulfill. It was time. I could tell how hard this was for him. He seemed at a loss without her.
I went to visit her on a beautiful autumn day.When I walked into her room, Melvin was there with her. She was so happy to see me and she hugged me and kissed me and held my hand. After a short visit, they had to leave. They were going with a group to a pumpkin farm for the afternoon. The fresh air and the sunshine would do Darlene good. Before I left, I noticed that in her room was the doll I had given her. That made me feel good to know that she had something there to remind her of me.
At the end of January, Melvin told me that hospice was now helping with Darlene. They brought her a wheelchair for she has been slipping further and no longer will hold her head up. Melvin said she doesn't seem to be able to see. I knew I needed to see her.
Yesterday I went to visit my dear friend. She was sitting in a chair in her room with her head down in her hands. She was mumbling and moaning. I got down on the floor and touched her shoulders. I said hello and told her who I was. I told her "I love you, Darlene". Then I put my face near hers and asked her if she could see me. She said "yeeeesssssss-I ssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyooouuuuu." Then she spoke my name. I hugged her and kept talking in her right ear and kissing her on the cheek. I continued to tell her I loved her and she said "-I-I-I-l-l-l-l-l-ooooovvvvvvee-yyyyyooooooooouuuuu, hhhonnnnneeeyyyy." Then she would mumble and it sounded like she was humming. I rubbed her back and her shoulders and held her. I was crying so hard but I did not want her to know that I was crying. It hurt so badly to see how someone once so happy and full of life could be like this. I wanted her to know how very special she is to me. I wanted her to know how she matters. I wanted her to know how much she has touched my life and how will I love her forever. She lifted her head and looked at me. I hugged her again and as I was holding her hands, she started to get up. I stood up, still holding her hands. She took my hands- one by one- and kissed them. Then I helped her to sit back down in the chair. I knew that at that moment she knew me. She loved me. That moment will stay with me for always.
I love you so much Darlene. My heart breaks for you. I can't stop crying. I pray the good Lord comes to take you home soon. It will be a wonderful day when you are made whole again. I love you and I will miss you, but my soul will never forget you. You are always in my heart. My sweet Darlene.
When I returned home, a redbird was hopping around near the bird feeder. It was a sweet blessing and a comfort to see him. I think God sent him to me to show me He understands my tears. Love~Ree
Darlene is my mother's age, ~81, and like my mom, Darlene was diagnosed with Alzheimers a few years ago. Darlene was so supportive when I spoke with her about my mother's illness and then a few years later, Darlene and Melvin became aware that she too had this affliction. At first there were small signs. She would forget little things or she would have trouble completing a thought, finding the right word, or completing a sentence. She and her husband worked together out in their yard-and they had the best yard in the neighborhood, tenderly tending their flowers. Darlene would see me and call out my name in a sing-song little way. She always gave me a hug and a kiss and told me how much she loved me.
This sweet lady had a special affection for cardinals-"red birds" as she called them. Everytime I see one, I can't help but think of her. I loved looking out my kitchen window and seeing her walking near the fence line with her crowning head of glory-her hair was snowy white and glorious. (Melvin always made certain she went to the hairdressers once a week and also had her nails done. He really loved this woman and you could tell because he always took such good care of her). She would call my name and I would go out to the fence to get my hug and kiss and visit with this sweet woman.
On football saturdays, she would be dressed in her Husker shirt, wearing her cornhusker earrings and bracelet. She looked elegant in the simplest of accessories. Darlene was grace personified. She would be all excited at the prospect of another football victory for her favorite team.
When I came home from work and see the light in their kitchen window, I would always wave to it. Melvin said that many times, Darlene would stand at the kitchen window and watch for me. If she saw me out in the yard, she would go outside to find me-singing my name. There were even a few times she would wander the neighborhood looking for me. Melvin would have to go out and bring her home.
We shared many days and evenings filled with laughter, tomatoes, tuberoses and lavender. We watched the birds together and listened to stories about one another's families. During the winter, I would get a call from Melvin and I would walk over to their home and spend an afternoon filled with laughter and homemade cookies and coffee. Those were some wonderful visits that I will always cherish.
Slowly Darlene started to have difficulties. Melvin was doing all of the cooking then because Darlene no longer remembered how. She started not remembering how to write or read or watch television. But Melvin never complained. He was her helpmate and companion, and he seemed to enjoy doing things to help her. She was still able to talk on the phone or listen to her favorite gospel hymns. When she would hug me, she would say "I-I-I-I-l-l-l-l-l-ooooovvvvvvee-yyyyyooooooooouuuuu, hhhonnnnneeeyyyy". It was getting hard for her, but she would work so hard to convey her feelings.
One day last summer, I noticed Melvin out in the yard and Darlene was sitting in a chair, facing the house. She had her head down. She did not seem to be aware of what was going on around her. The next time I saw her, Melvin walked with her to the fence and we picked the cherry tomatoes that he had planted. Darlene was smiling and she looked beautiful. She struggled to speak, but she seemed so happy to be there. Again she hugged me and kissed me and told me she loved me. My heart felt a sudden sting. I knew she was really slipping. Melvin gently led her back into the house.
The next few days, the house behind me was dark. There was no light coming from the kitchen window. I felt that something was terribly wrong. Then when I saw Melvin again, he told me he had to put her into a nursing facility. The constant caregiving was overwhelming. Melvin was losing weight and not able to take care of himself. Her needs were much more than he could fulfill. It was time. I could tell how hard this was for him. He seemed at a loss without her.
I went to visit her on a beautiful autumn day.When I walked into her room, Melvin was there with her. She was so happy to see me and she hugged me and kissed me and held my hand. After a short visit, they had to leave. They were going with a group to a pumpkin farm for the afternoon. The fresh air and the sunshine would do Darlene good. Before I left, I noticed that in her room was the doll I had given her. That made me feel good to know that she had something there to remind her of me.
At the end of January, Melvin told me that hospice was now helping with Darlene. They brought her a wheelchair for she has been slipping further and no longer will hold her head up. Melvin said she doesn't seem to be able to see. I knew I needed to see her.
Yesterday I went to visit my dear friend. She was sitting in a chair in her room with her head down in her hands. She was mumbling and moaning. I got down on the floor and touched her shoulders. I said hello and told her who I was. I told her "I love you, Darlene". Then I put my face near hers and asked her if she could see me. She said "yeeeesssssss-I ssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyooouuuuu." Then she spoke my name. I hugged her and kept talking in her right ear and kissing her on the cheek. I continued to tell her I loved her and she said "-I-I-I-l-l-l-l-l-ooooovvvvvvee-yyyyyooooooooouuuuu, hhhonnnnneeeyyyy." Then she would mumble and it sounded like she was humming. I rubbed her back and her shoulders and held her. I was crying so hard but I did not want her to know that I was crying. It hurt so badly to see how someone once so happy and full of life could be like this. I wanted her to know how very special she is to me. I wanted her to know how she matters. I wanted her to know how much she has touched my life and how will I love her forever. She lifted her head and looked at me. I hugged her again and as I was holding her hands, she started to get up. I stood up, still holding her hands. She took my hands- one by one- and kissed them. Then I helped her to sit back down in the chair. I knew that at that moment she knew me. She loved me. That moment will stay with me for always.
I love you so much Darlene. My heart breaks for you. I can't stop crying. I pray the good Lord comes to take you home soon. It will be a wonderful day when you are made whole again. I love you and I will miss you, but my soul will never forget you. You are always in my heart. My sweet Darlene.
When I returned home, a redbird was hopping around near the bird feeder. It was a sweet blessing and a comfort to see him. I think God sent him to me to show me He understands my tears. Love~Ree
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